Sunday, May 05, 2013


Unreliable Indicators of Relative Size (On Which List, For the Record, "Daily Scale Weight" Would Be First If I Owned a Scale, Which, Absolutely Not)
—the perceived puffiness or sleekness of my face.  Some days I wake up with cheekbones, some days I wake up without.  Jawline, ditto.  Hydration helps, but my control over the situation is pretty limited.  Bummer when I wake up with no cheekbones on the day I have to go to a black-tie wedding (that day is today).
—whether or not I feel pretty.
—the perceived prominence of my knuckles (especially those in my right hand, which are always more visible than those in my left hand for reasons best left unexplored, though it is worth noting that my left calf and foot are also perceptibly larger than my right, because bodies are weird, man).  Like my face, my hands puff for lots of reasons, including in response to my menstrual cycle and when I eat salty things (and I love salty things).
—how winded or not I am when I've climbed the three and a half flights to the door of my apartment.  I have yet to figure out much of a pattern to this except that obviously when I am carrying more than say, 25 pounds of stuff (bag, groceries, laundry, etc.) it is more difficult: some days I feel slightly out of breath, some days I feel totally fine.

More Reliable Indicators of Relative Size (To Which Skepticism Can Still Be Applied and Which Should Not Be Overly Depended-Upon in General, But Still)
—feet.  Can I see the flexy action of toes other than my big toes in the tops of my feet?  Can I see the elevation of the bluish veins?  Then I probably have not suddenly gained ten pounds and should chill out.  (I should also chill out if I had suddenly gained ten pounds, but these are immediate coping mechanisms, not long-term strategies.)
—the way those pants fit.  If my face is puffy and I am ready to throw a fit about it, trying on those pants and noting that, indeed, they still button is a good solid reminder that my perceptions are not the be-all, end-all, and that I can and should apply skepticism to my feeling that I have been eating entirely too much and should tighten things up immediately.

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