Remedial

Somehow it never fails to amaze me when I get full and stop eating something really palatable.  When it hasn't been long enough since last I ate, or when I'm not hungry enough to have indisputable physiological hunger signs (gurgling rumbles, some stomach pain, the beginnings of a headache, etc.), my feelings about eating get kind of complicated.  When I'm really hungry I feel authorized (and this is in and of itself progress), but I'm not great at acting on hunger signals that haven't yet passed that threshold.

It feels like taking a risk to go, "I might not have been all the way full from the meal I ate an hour and a half ago.  Some yogurt and jam sounds good."  It makes me anxious.  It makes me want to guesstimate calories: the calories in my brunch, the calories in some possible snacks.  

The relief I feel when I get full and stop eating, even though there's only like a half-inch of apricot preserves left in the Bonne Maman jar and what's the difference?, even though instead of portioning out some acceptable amounts I just brought the big yogurt container and jam jar over to my desk, sheds light for me on how significant that anxiety is.  I'm afraid I can't rely on my hunger cues.  I'm afraid if I let myself start eating, I'll never stop. 

But, worth noting, I stopped.  Not in a white-knuckling act-of-exertion way, just because, when I'm full, I don't want to eat any more food.  Not even delicious food.  Not even delicious food with sugar in it.

Noted.