Over the past two weeks, something truly unpleasant happened to me. I got sick, in the mode of what my doctor (see: "blame it on the fat") thought was acid reflux. I did all the things that I was supposed to, all the things that have worked in the past. Nothing. Called my doctor, doubled the dose of medication. Nothing. Finally, I went to the emergency room, where I was summarily informed that I needed my gallbladder removed, right away. I had emergency surgery in what turned out to be the nick of time. Because the situation was actually rather dire, the recovery process is a little grueling. I've had a drainage tube embedded in my abdomen, which is sliced open in three places. I've been on Vicodin for a week. My stamina is nil, and pain persists.
It has made me think of my body in a different way. I mean, it's brought up some body image stuff in general (the feeling of being gross and not intact is a familiar one), but also: fat or not, I am pretty happy in my body as a matter of general principle. It is sturdy and serviceable and healthy. It doesn't hurt when I sit in weird positions. I can walk long distances at good speeds with my hips swinging, looking confident in a way that makes me feel confident. I can't do that right now. I walk slowly and shufflingly, hunched, like an old person. Can barely stand up straight. It's hard to think of myself the same way when this is the way I walk. Normally, my body is tough and resilient and ebullient, I can wiggle and dance and bounce. I am agile. I am durable.
Not so of late. And it makes me realize the things I normally take for granted. All the things my funny imperfect wrong body, over which I do a lot of hand-wringing, can do for me, and does do for me, without complaint and without recompense. I am not glad to be sick and weak and in pain, but I am glad to have the little refocusing of attention.
On the other hand: Today in the doctor's office, before he came in to remove the drainage tube from me (a procedure that has the following steps: cut cord anchoring tube through holes in skin; pull hard to remove eight inches of coiled plastic from abdomen) I (for a change!) could not resist the attendant scale. I shucked off my heavy shoes and weighed myself (at the end of the day! in clothes!) and discovered I'd lost about ten pounds. I wonder how much an inflamed gallbladder weighs.
6 comments:
Oh man, that sucks! My aunt had to have the emergency surgery when her gallbladder burst. I was lucky enough to be diagnosed before it became critical, have it done laparoscopically and was able to leave the hospital the same afternoon.
But I think I was just 'lucky' that I had a bad attack and the doctors finally diagnosed it, though I'd had attacks for 5 years and no one had figured it out. I easily could have been in your situation. I hope you feel better soon!
Heh, I sometimes wonder how much my gall bladder weighed too :)
I never appreciated my body more then when I pulled the connective tissue in my lower back and couldn't sit, stand, or walk without being in excruciating pain.
All those things my amazing body did without complaint and that I didnt appreciate all came to me when I was pushing myself to the bathroom while lying face down on a stool with wheels.
I am glad you are ok!!
PastaQueen: Mine was laparoscopic surgery too, but when they got in there, it turned out to be much worse than they'd thought. They didn't have to open, but instead of a quick snip-and-removal process lasting like an hour, it turned into a painstaking extract-without-puncturing-liver-please kind of deal that lasted three and a half. Vicodin has been helping me through the healing process.
Funny...my mom's gallbladder complaint was also misdiagnosed as some gastric reflux deal. Hrm.
don't lift anything over 10 lbs. and in 3 months you won't know or remember the pain.
Hope you are feeling better. I had mine removed about19 years ago- the old timey way- YUK! Two of my children had to have their's removed- one at age 17 and the other at 24- they both had non-functioning gallbladders. They suffered a long time before they found their problems- this does not show up on scans.
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